"Whether we are filled with joy or grief, our angels are close to us, speaking to our hearts of God's love."

Monday, March 11, 2013

March 11, 2013

Happy Birthday Benjamin and Stephen! I can't believe it's been three years since my boys came into this world. As much of a nightmare March 11, 2010 was, I wish I could go back in time to that very day because my heart wasn't broken yet. My two boys were struggling, but alive. Not a day has gone by, since March 14, 2010 that I have not missed Stephen, our "Baby A." I think about him all the time and know he is watching over his brother.

I thank God every day for letting us keep Ben. He's a lot of work, but his smile can melt your heart. Tomorrow will be his first day of school. We've talked about this transition for a year now and it's finally here. We've said goodbye to EI and Perkins, and we're heading on a new and exciting journey. The new backpack has been loaded up, and the "first day of school outfit" has been picked out. I'm hoping he'll make a good first impression, but who am I kidding! Ben will make a grand entrance that will most likely involve screaming and breath holding, but at least he'll be a handsome little devil!! This is going to be good for both of us. His teacher is an absolute gem, I couldn't be happier with his placement. I'm optimistic we'll start to see some progress with his development, which has sadly been the same for awhile. He's getting stronger since he's put on weight, but he still can't sit up on his own or even hold his head up for more than a few seconds.

I've been horrible about updating his blog and I feel guilty about it, but it's hard to write when there haven't been many changes... especially those for the better. There always seems to be something we're struggling with, whether it be the seizures, reflux, liver issues, etc. However, knowing Ben is happy, by seeing the smiles and hearing the laughter, is sometimes all that matters. I'm slowly learning to live in the moment.