"Whether we are filled with joy or grief, our angels are close to us, speaking to our hearts of God's love."

Saturday, December 11, 2010

December 11, 2010

Benjamin turned 9 months old today. I know it's been weeks since I last posted, but not much is new in his little world. Shortly after my last update, we took a ride to pick out Benjamin's glasses. Yup, the little man will be sporting a pair of specs in about a month and a half (it takes forever and a day for Mass Health to ship the glasses). I'm praying so hard they'll make a difference. We've been trying to get him to look at us, his toys, anything; and if he does, it's very brief. It really worries me.

As far as the rest of him goes, he's definitely more alert, but the arching is getting bad again. Most likely because we weaned his Clonazepam (Klonopin) down almost by half. We're not scheduled to meet with neurology until January, but we may have to make a phone call if it gets any worse.

He's still nursing and we've been experimenting with solid food! We just touch it to his lips, and if he's in a good mood, he'll start smacking. It's very cute. Obviously he doesn't get much... the point is just to introduce him to new tastes and textures. So far he doesn't seem to mind bananas, squash and prunes.

Last week we attended a mass of remembrance provided by South Shore Hospital for those families that suffered the loss of a child. It was a beautiful service, but depressing. Sometimes we feel very alone so it was comforting to talk to others who have experienced loss. I can't believe it's been three quarters of a year since I had my babies. Every day that goes by, whether sunny or not, is still cloudy for me. I'm finding the holidays to be especially tough. I push forward, and for the sake of Jadyn and Benjamin, I put a smile on my face, but the pain over the loss of Stephen is still so fresh and raw. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish with all my heart that he was still with us.