December 20, 2011

Benjamin's almost 6 weeks into the Ketogenic diet and we've seen no improvement. The first couple of weeks were hellish. He was up to 90 seizures a day, the reflux was horrific, and he was just plain miserable. We were told his seizures could increase for about two weeks so we were prepared for it, but had high hopes we would see a significant decrease after that time. The hardest part was the follow-up appointment we had with Dr. Thiele. The whole team was as defeated as we were!

He's still on the diet, but probably not for much longer. Benjamin will most likely start a new drug called Banzel within the next few days. Banzel is the only drug left to try that has been found to effectively manager the types of seizures he's having. His epilepsy is difficult to treat because the seizures are firing from multiple spots in his brain. If this drug doesn't work, there are two left (both of which have scary side effects) that aren't as promising, and then it's back to square one... meaning we revisit all the drugs he's already tried.

Despite the seizures, Ben's had some great days. He's my little cuddlebug and his smiles melt my heart. Usually during the early hours of the morning, Ryan and I end up with both kiddos in our bed and I love waking up and hearing Jadyn say "Good morning Ben Ben! Awww... Mom, he's smiling!" We are so blessed.

November 6, 2011

A few weeks ago Benjamin had an equipment evaluation at Children's and boy was that a wake-up call! I left there feeling grateful that we can get all of this stuff (a special stroller, stander and bath seat), but at the same time I felt so unbelievably sad that we need it. Seeing the stroller we'll be getting (which I keep calling a wheelchair because that's what it looks like) made Benjamin's challenges that much more real to me. I think the kicker was on our way out we were stuck in an elevator with a set of identical twin boys, just about Ben's age. I had a smile plastered on my face, and I was talking to them while thinking I couldn't get out of that elevator fast enough. It was a reminder of what I should have had. I know we're blessed, and I'm incredibly thankfully for Benjamin each and every day, but not having Stephen can be torture.

In other medical news, Benjamin will be admitted to MGH in about a week to start the Ketogenic diet. It's basically an all fat diet that's used in children with seizures that are difficult to control with drugs. He'll have a special soy-based formula and we'll be given a list of all the things he can eat by mouth. We've been practicing... so far he's tried bacon in a mesh bag which he didn't mind, and just the other night I pureed a breakfast sausage which I believe, if he could, he would have given two thumbs up. He ate the whole thing! Because he has the g-tube, this diet won't be that hard to control, but it'll still be challenging because all his food has to be weighed.

It's hard for me to write more tonight because I can't take my mind off two other unbelievably special boys that are struggling with some health issues. Jadyn and I had a lot of people to pray for tonight.

More to come in a few weeks...

September 24, 2011

I can't believe it's been a little over a year since Benjamin came home from the hospital. I wish I could say he's made unbelievable progress this past year, but that's not the case. Because his seizures are still not controlled, we recently decided to move his neurology care over to MGH. Our meeting with the new doctor went really well, and she's already making medication changes. I can't even describe the feelings we go through with each new medication... first there's excitement and hope, and then despair and frustration. I can't wait for the day when we realize we've found the right concoction! It saddens me because I can almost sense that Benjamin wants to move and communicate, but it's like he's trapped in this body that doesn't work very well and a mind that's confusing him.

I've been obsessed with his teeth or lack thereof. I've asked almost every medical professional if they can tell me when he's going to cut a tooth. I was so desperate for an answer that I even cornered a dental hygienist at a fundraiser we went to (I thought Ryan was going to hide)!

A dear friend of mine, who had a little guy in the NICU when Benjamin was there, warned me that preemies' teeth sometimes come in black from all the antibiotics and other medications they had. Well, as fate would have it, over the past day we noticed Benjamin's bottom right tooth coming in and the bud is brown! So of course now I want to push the darn tooth right back in! For goodness sake, as if the poor baby doesn't already get stares, now we have to deal with this.

Not much else is happening around here besides more doctors' appointments and therapy sessions. I apologize to those who have called me, or sent me messages that I haven't been able to return. I wish there were more hours in a day. Between appointments and work, I've been trying to keep the little princess busy. Thankfully she's loving school. I guess there's a little boy in her class that has a crush on her and has been singing songs about her. As if we don't have enough to worry about!

July 29, 2011

I can't believe how bad I've been about updating this blog! It's been over two months since my last post and while work has kept me busy, "Ben Ben" (as Jadyn calls him), has kept me even busier. I wish I could say things are going really well, but I'd be lying. We were able to spend a few relaxing days at the beach between hospital admissions, but that seems to be the way our summer is playing out.

To make a long story short, Benjamin’s seizures are still not under control. He started having infantile spasms and was diagnosed with a modified hypsarrhythmia EEG pattern. The first drug we tried was a failure, so he was admitted to Children’s this past Tuesday to start another treatment - Acthar gel injections. Luckily we have a nurse coming in every day to help with the steroid injections (he gets a total of 20 over a 5 week period) because I have a really hard time giving them to him. It would be a piece of cake if it wasn’t my own kid.

We couldn’t leave the hospital until we mastered the shot. I was determined to get out of there so I rolled up my sleeves and did what I had to do. It was actually comical because we were taught on oranges and maple syrup (the Acthar is really thick) and apparently I did a good job on the orange although I may have been “a bit too aggressive” according to the nurses. The needle goes through the orange rind a lot easier than one would think! When it came time for me to give Benjamin the injection I was definitely more hesitant, and apologized profusely to my little baby when it was over. Not a good feeling at all.

There are a lot of side effects to the treatment and we’re already seeing quite a few. We have to monitor his urine every morning for sugar, his blood pressure twice a week and his stools twice a week as well. He’s extremely irritable and his reflux is so bad he was actually vomiting blood today. However, fingers crossed, I think the treatment might be working. He’s still actively seizing, but I’m not seeing as many seizures each day.

In addition to the side effects mentioned above, the steroid weakens his immune system so the little man is at a greater risk for infection. If that isn’t scary to begin with, he can’t get immunizations (or his flu shot) for 6 months after the end of the treatment because they won’t be effective. This means another winter in quarantine. But, if we can stop the seizures and see some developmental progress it’s worth it!

People have been asking about Jadyn and that means a lot to us. She’s doing very well, and if she doesn’t grow up to be a nurse or a doctor, I think she might be an actress. She does great impressions and loves to role play. She keeps us sane and is always good for a laugh. The voice that comes out of her small stature is incredible and I think Benjamin is enamored with her. One thing we’ve noticed is if Benjamin is crying and Jadyn starts, he stops!

We'll be scheduling another Children's admission when treatment ends, but we're planning on hitting the beach a few more times beforehand. Surprisingly Benjamin loves the beach. I lay him on his side on a blanket under the shade and he either sleeps or gnaws on his hand and listens to the waves. We even dipped his toes in the water and he seemed to like it. Maybe next year he'll be able to sit up and play in the sand!

May 23, 2011

We're still trying to get Benjamin's seizures under control. I remember writing a paper in grad school on the rising prevalence of medical errors and unfortunately I can say we've experienced this firsthand. We asked Benjamin's GI doctor last week if we could increase the drug he's on for gut motility because his reflux is out of control again. He said we could, but asked what seizure med Benjamin was on because the Erythromycin can interact with certain drugs. Well, although we fill out med sheets every time we have an appt. at Children's, his neurologist said she was unaware he was taking the Erythromycin. Regardless of whether or not she actually reads the med lists when we visit, her team was giving him both medications when he was admitted to the hospital over a month ago! I can even remember one Fellow or Resident asking us when she was signing off on the discharge papers why he was on the Erythromycin! Hello??? Are you kidding me? There should have been sirens and blinking red lights going off in the room! Anyway, to make a long story short, there are now only two seizure medications Benjamin can try that aren't metabolized by the liver (and therefore will have no interaction with the Erythromycin which is the only drug used for gut motility at the moment). One can cause permanent peripheral vision loss and the other can cause heart problems. His neurologist was anxious to start one of them, but I told her we needed to wait and talk to Benjamin's ophthalmologist before we made any decisions. We're planning on talking with him tomorrow and hopefully then we can come up with a new plan

On a positive note, we weaned off the Keppra about two weeks ago and what a change in Benjamin's disposition! He’s starting to smile more and will almost laugh when we tickle him! He’s not doing anything a baby his age would normally be doing (rolling, crawling, sitting, playing with toys or babbling), but he most certainly has a wonderful personality.

We just ordered him new glasses because his prescription went up again. Poor little guy. I’m not even sure they make a difference, but we’ll continue to put them on him. His EI therapist brought him a special suit. It comes in two pieces that velcro together and it's designed to help give him some “sensory input” and make his trunk stronger. The material it's made of is really stretchy and almost feels like a smooth rubber on the back, but it's completely breathable. He’s also getting fitted for leg braces soon. He’s going to have to wear them the entire day. That breaks my heart because I know he’s going to hate them, but at this point we have to be proactive and stretch him as much as we can so he doesn’t develop contractures.

I can't wait for some warm weather so we can go out for a walk! When we did have some sunny days, he seemed to enjoy the outdoors (as long as the wind didn't blow). It would be great if he could sit in a bucket swing, but I'm not sure we're quite there yet! I tried one of those jumpy seats that goes in the middle of the doorway, but that was pretty much a disaster. First off, he can't "spin" because that can bring on a seizure; and second, no matter how much padding I stuffed around him, he still fell over. Needless to say, that thing was quickly tossed down the basement stairs!

April 16, 2011

While Benjamin continues to have seizures, he was discharged late yesterday afternoon. The official EEG results were devastating. Ryan was working so I was the only one in the room when his doctor came in at the end of the day to discuss them with me. I was told that between seizures, Benjamin's "background activity" is extremely disorganized with no recognizable pattern. What's most concerning is that the "disorganization" has evolved from his last EEG which was about 2 weeks ago. Right now they're diagnosing him as having general epilepsy, but his primary neuro doctor is worried that he may develop a condition called hypsarrhythmia. I asked her what this meant, and she said the seizures will most likely escalate. She said Benjamin will always need to be on a moderate to heavy dose of multiple seizure meds. She said the goal is for him not to be so medicated that he's "not Benjamin anymore." I had him sleeping so peacefully in my arms and I just looked at him and broke down. I told her that I know he's not going to be perfect, but I want him to have a good quality of life. Ryan arrived shortly after (in time for the next round of neuro doctors to come in) and got the same story. I started crying again and all I could say to them was "hasn't this poor little boy been through enough?" I really thought having gone through what we went through a year ago, I would get used to these bombshells being dropped on us, but I'm not. Maybe I've been living in denial for a bit. Who knows. But all of a sudden this is very real and unbelievably scary. Ryan and I are finding ourselves asking the same questions we asked a year ago... Why is this happening to us? Why can't Benjamin catch a break?

April 14, 2011

Well, we're still at Children's. We got some pretty devastating news late this afternoon. Benjamin's discharge papers were getting filled out when the neuro docs rounded and put the kibosh on it. We learned that the "quirky" behavior I was referring to in my last post (the head turning and eye fluttering) showed up as seizures on the EEG. I wouldn't be so upset if he did this only a few times a day; however, these seizures are almost constant and the phenobarbital hasn't had an effect on them. If I actually counted them, there's a possibility he could have them more than 100 times a day. We were told it can take kids a few minutes to even hours to recover from a seizure. The larger ones really tire Benjamin out. These smaller ones don't seem to take much out of him, but if he has them every 5 or 10 minutes and it takes him a few minutes to get over them, this isn't good. It's definitely a distraction for him and will hamper his development and progress. He's getting an even larger dose of phenobarbital so we'll see how his day is tomorrow. I feel like this poor little baby can't catch a break. He even broke out in hives from the solution used to take the EEG probes off his head! Please keep our little man in your thoughts and prayers. I'm confident we'll get through this. No matter how much I want to be home, it's good we're here. It's going to get better. If I keep saying that over and over maybe it'll come true.